


Gift

by Zeri0us



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Valentine's Day, no beta we die like men, very classical batjokes story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:33:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29423109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeri0us/pseuds/Zeri0us
Summary: It was Valentine's Day and Joker had escaped from Arkham again (what a surprise). It seemed like he had prepared a gift for Batman. Lucky for him, Batman also prepared a gift for him.
Relationships: Joker (DCU)/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 6
Kudos: 73





	Gift

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very classical Batjokes story and I hope you all will enjoy this fluff. Happy Valentine's Day!

It was not until Bruce had heard about the news of Joker escaping Arkham again that he realized today was Valentine's Day.

It wasn’t like he had any romantic interest towards that lunatic—no, of course not. But he still remembered what had happened in the past few years on the exact same day. All the bombs, screams and crazy laughter…

The memory filled Bruce with disgust. He swallowed the last few sips of the already cold coffee, mentally preparing himself for whatever unwanted surprise Joker was planning for him.

“Master Bruce, you’ve got a call from Miss Brown. She's interested in your today schedule.” Alfred stood at the kitchen door and knocked, waiting for Bruce's reply.

Hardly recalling the model's face, Bruce waved his hand and said, “Tell her I'm sorry but I'm not available today. I'll make it up to her another time.”

“Very well. And I believe you've already seen the news?”

“Yes, Joker has escaped again. I saw that.” The line had become so familiar that Bruce started to doubt what had happened to all that money he had donated to Arkham Asylum. 

“Well, if I may ask, do you have any plans, sir?” 

“Not yet, Alfred. But I’ll come up with one very soon.” Knowing Joker, Bruce still had the whole daytime to think of something before the madman put on his ‘show’. The usual tiredness whenever he thought of Joker filled his mind. He closed his eyes and pinched his nose, hoping he would wake up at any time and find out it was just a dream. 

Alfred gave him a nod and left the kitchen quietly. Bruce indulged himself to enjoy the rare moment of peace and sat there for a while, until the silence of the room began to fuel his anxiety to a point he could no longer bear.

 _Time to work_. Bruce stood up and cracked his neck, heading for the library which was also the Batcave entrance.

\---

Nothing. Nothing. **Nothing.**

Bruce landed on a gargoyle of an old building. The air was bone-chilling at this height, especially in mid-February. The white mist got carried away rapidly by the howling wind when he sighed frustratedly.

He had patrolled for a good four hours but there was still no sight of the Joker or anything related to the clown. The GCPD radio also had zero report on the traces of the wanted Clown Prince of Crime. All Bruce got for the whole night were a few robberies and an attempted sexual assault.

It was like an usual night in Gotham City, which was alarmingly unusual for anyone who had a little understanding of the Joker. He wanted to continue to track the Joker, but both his mind and his body were tired, and the agitation had almost consumed him at this point. 

After a couple more rounds of gliding and searching, Bruce tried to convince himself to believe the Joker might finally decide it was boring to repeat the same thing every year and just gave up on his act while driving back to Wayne Manor.

Some part in his mind was screaming and yelling at him, _**No** , he must be planning something! Keep searching!_ The voice was so loud and clear that Bruce had to grab the steering wheel with great strength to stop himself from turning back. 

In order to distract himself, Bruce talked to the communication device, “Alfred, there’s no sight of the Joker, I’m coming back.”

The comforting, steady voice of Alfred didn’t reply to him as usual. Bruce narrowed his eyes and asked again, “Alfred? Are you there?”

Dead silence was the only thing he got from the other side. With a sense of foreboding, Bruce shouted at the device, “Alfred!”

Shit! He sped up the Batmobile until he could barely control it. A wave of panic swept through his whole body, providing different scenarios of Alfred being attacked or hurt to his brain. Trying his best to keep these pictures out of his mind, Bruce breathed deeply to remain as calm as he could.

Thankfully, the traffic at 3am wasn’t busy and he got back to the Manor in fifteen minutes. Once getting out of the Batmobile, Bruce rushed around and searched every corner of the Batcave, shouting for Alfred during the whole process.

Not getting a single glimpse of Alfred, he forced himself to calm down and tried to think rationally.

If Alfred had been assaulted by someone, the attacker must trigger the Manor’s security system before he or she could enter the house. In that case, Alfred must know about the intruder and hid himself somewhere in the house, most probably the Batcave.

However, Alfred wasn’t here and there was no report of invasion shown on the Batcomputer. Therefore, the conclusion was either the intruder had managed to bypass the security system and get inside the house without Alfred noticing, or Alfred had suddenly become unconscious somewhere in the house due to unknown reason.

No matter which one was true, one thing was sure: Alfred was undoubtedly in great danger. Bruce dashed to the elevator and pressed the button impatiently, cursing himself for staying outside and patrolling for so long. 

_If I come back earlier, Alfred won’t be at risk._ Guilt fought to tear his heart and rip his chest open. He pressed his forehead hard onto the cold metal surface, attempting to count his breath with all his attention.

 _One, two, three, four_ …

The door opened when he counted to twenty-two. The tranquil ambience of the library failed to calm him as usual and only increased his fear. Adrenaline rushed through his veins, making him shiver.

He ran to check the kitchen, the parlor, the garden, and Alfred’s bedroom for his butler, but the result was disappointing. For the first time in his life, he hated how massive his home was.

The search had to continue even if his hatred towards his house had started to shift towards himself. Ignoring his sore muscles, he headed for the master bedroom with full speed.

The door of the master bedroom burst open and Bruce rushed into his own bedroom. The silhouette sitting on the edge of his bed grabbed his attention instantly.

“Alfred!” Bruce cried out, wanting to sprint to the man before his instinct stopped him. 

_Something is wrong._ His guts wrenched and he got the same feeling every time the enemies lurking in the dark and preparing to strike.

The room was dim and the man was sitting in the area without moonlight shedding on it. Although his face was hidden in the dark, the man still brought a great sense of familiarity to Bruce.

Cautiously, Bruce took one step forward and growled lowly, “You’re not Alfred. Who are you?”

Unsettling giggles filled the room and the hairs on the back of Bruce’s neck stood up immediately. The man slowly stood up and turned to face him. 

“Hello, Batsy.”

Even without seeing his face, Bruce could recognize that high-pitched and slightly cracked voice easily.

It was the Joker.

_Fuck._

“Where is Alfred!? What have you done to him!?” A complex of emotions stormed him and numerous questions filled Bruce in a second. He had too many feelings to process and too many questions to ask. Freezing in his current position seemed to be the only thing his body could manage to do now.

Joker responded to him with chuckles, “Ohhhh, relax, Batsy! Your dearest Jeeves is unharmed. He was just too tired to wait for his bat master to return and went to sleep.”

Bruce wanted to go check on Alfred and confirm his safety with his own eyes, but blood drained from Bruce’s face the next second and realization struck him all in a sudden. It was a miracle that he could still ask the following question without trembling his voice, “You know who I am?”

Like hearing the most funny joke in his life, Joker laughed hysterically, almost losing his balance. Bruce glared at him, warning the mad man with a deep voice, “Joker.”

“Batsy, Batsy, Batsy…” After nearly a minute of nonstop laughing, Joker wiped away the tears on his face. “You’re truly one of a kind. So adorable, so naive…”

The mixed mess of emotions finally turned into something Bruce had gotten very familiar with in all those years. He strode towards Joker, grasped his collar and lifted him off the ground. “Explain. **Now**.”

The Joker smiled at him, ignoring his rage and staring deep into his eyes. “You can’t fool a man who really spends his time to see, darling. And I’ve spent my whole life looking at you.”

His voice was soft like a whisper, and it stirred something deep inside Bruce. He looked away from Joker’s eyes, trying not to feel defeated.

“If you’ve known my true identity, why do you make a move now? Why not before?”

Joker tilted his head, frowning and pouting dramatically. “Let’s say I think repeating the same old trick every year is really dull for a clown like me so I want to try something new, maybe a more direct approach.”

“And how do you bypass the security system?”

“Considering my countless experience of breaking out of Arkham, I think I can claim myself as an expert in this area.”

The smile on Joker’s face always managed to bring out his dark side. Bruce resisted the tempting thought to punch his face with all his self-control and let him stand back on the floor with his feet.

“Well, are we gonna stand here and play ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?’ all night long? You see, we’re both mature, grown-up adults, and today’s Valentine’s Day...” Joker smoothed his suit jacket and gave him a wink.

Bruce narrowed his eyes and set his mouth in a grim line. “No, I’m sending you back to Arkham. Now.”

“That’s it? Not a hug? Not a kiss? Not even a ‘thank you’? With all the troubles I’ve gone through for you, the only thing you give me in return is a heartless goodbye? I am hurt, Bats, I really am.” Joker batted his eyelashes at Bruce with a pout.

Wanting to see Alfred as soon as possible, Bruce gritted his teeth, “I’ve no time for this. What do you want, Joker?”

A smirk found its way onto Joker’s face. He closed the distance between them, staring straight into Bruce’s eyes. “You know the answer, Bats. You always know. You’re just too afraid to say it.”

Silver moonlight poured on Joker gently, blurring the edges of his face. Those signature green eyes reflected nothing but the image of Bruce, like two translucent lakes in the forest. The view was strangely calming when Bruce gazed into them long enough that he almost forgot who was standing in front of him.

“Com’on. Time is running short, _Brucie._ ”

Like a spell being broken, Bruce blinked and took one step back subconsciously. Anger found its place in his chest once again when he registered the viciousness in Joker’s smirk.

“Enough playing, Joker. I’m taking you back.”

“Oh! Batsy, Batsy, Batsy!” Joker shook his head and stepped back. “You don’t understand, sweetheart! This is not a game. This is a _demand._ ” His voice dropped dangerously low at the last word. A warning, obviously.

Bruce clenched his fists, breathing deep and slow to suppress the fury burning inside him.

“Me. It’s me that you want.”

“Correct! You did it, baby!” The grin on Joker’s face stretched to uncomfortably wide. He put both hands behind his back and leaned forward a little bit. “To reward your honesty, I’ve prepared a deal to strike with you.”

“What. Deal.” Bruce spat the words with hard effort and darkly imagined hitting Joker until the annoying grin disappeared from his face. The situation was so exhausting even for Batman, although he knew for sure that everything with Joker was never easy.

The spark of light in Joker’s eyes was growing more and more unnerving. Bruce forced himself to look at Joker, listened carefully for any language traps he was sure the Joker must be going to set.

“If you, my dear Bats, give uncle J a kiss, I’ll…”

“ **No**.” Bruce snarled. Rage radiated from him, turning him into a living storm. “Never.”

“Be patient, darling!” Joker scolded him, hands moving in an exaggerating way. “If you do so, I’ll keep your little secret and go back to Arkham with you. Willingly, of course. Sounds good to you?”

His mind was racing furiously at the moment. Apparently he couldn’t trust this man, but he couldn’t risk the chance of being exposed either. Already hating himself, he asked, “ _If_ I do it, how can I know you’ll keep your words?”

“Unfortunately, you can’t! But this is your only chance.” 

_Damn._ If Bruce hadn’t worn the cowl, he would have been running his fingers through his hair in frustration. Kissing a man wasn’t a hard task for him to be honest, the most disturbing part was that man was Joker.

 _Okay, let’s get this over with._ Like a soldier ready to go to war, Bruce inhaled deeply, bracing himself for the next move.

He pulled Joker closer to him by grabbing his collar, blocking all the emotions from his brain when he looked at his lips. His lipstick was bloody red, so bright that it was like he had used human blood to paint his lips.

Bruce closed his eyes, not willing to look at Joker anymore when he pressed his lips against the clown’s. He could feel the Joker was frozen and held his breath for a split second. If the situation wasn’t ridiculous enough, Bruce might actually laugh at him. 

Before Joker had the chance to respond, Bruce withdrew himself from Joker and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He tried not to recall how Joker’s lips had felt but the feeling still lingered on his own lips. Soft, warm, like a _normal_ person.

Maybe he needed to make a therapy appointment later.

He looked back at Joker and noticed how intense his glances were. His pupils had dilated so much that there were only thin rings of acidic green around them. There was fire dancing in his eyes, fierce and overwhelming, ready to consume everything.

“Bats.” Joker cooed, caressing his lower lip with his index finger. It was strange to see how soft Joker was at this moment. With the nearly dreamy expression on his face, he was just like an ordinary man. Happy, satisfied, and so _in love_. 

Bruce ignored the churning in his stomach, keeping his expression as blank as possible. He took out a handcuff from his utility belt and showed it to Joker. “I’ve done my part, it’s time you do yours.”

Joker grinned like a Cheshire cat, stretching out his hands towards Bruce. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Batsy darling. Consider this as a gift.”

Bruce snorted, dragging the handcuffed Joker out of his bedroom roughly and quickly. “If you can stop escaping Arkham again, I may actually consider it as a gift.”

“Stop lying, Bats. We both know you love it when I come and play with you.”

“I’ll tell the staff to put you next to the Riddler’s cell this time.”

“What!? You can’t do that! You’re just kidding, aren’t you?”

“Consider it as a gift.” Bruce would never admit he had smirked when he saw Joker pulling a long face. _Never._


End file.
